Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
