I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
