I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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