Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Welp...herpes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
wow bdsm is so cute
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
