Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I didn't notice because vodka
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
