god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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