worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
