So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
