everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
