it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
