I think my vagina is haunted
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
