Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
