people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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