is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize