Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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