Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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