I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
