he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
