I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
