then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize