Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
