and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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