is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
