I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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