I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
