Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
