Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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