if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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