Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
