I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
