Porn is love you can see.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
