i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
