sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
