we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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