there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
