we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
