i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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