she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
