meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
