filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize