id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
