So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
