i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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