So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
