the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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