yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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