Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and she was petting her beer can
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
