Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drake has all the answers
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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