Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
