She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
