Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
