You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
