so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
