you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
