I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
