Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
