the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
