Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize