Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
