You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
