i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
