i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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