she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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