i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
