I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
