i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
