He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
