im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
