is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
