i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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