Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
