just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
