Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
