The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
