Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize