I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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