If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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